“True love is taking the risk that it won’t be a happily-ever-after. True love is joining hands with the man who loves you for who you are, and saying, “I’m not afraid to believe in you.” ― Cara Lockwood, I Do (But I Don’t)
For the past years of my existence I have been in loved twice. During the first time I have experienced love and be loved, I still see life through rose-colored glasses. I thought then that happy-ever-after exists. My idea of life and love then would be spending the night with the person I love so much. However all these changed when I experienced my first real heartbreak. He cheated on me and my whole world crumbled. Little by little I was able to get hold of my self again, regain my confidence, and learned to accept love again. Much has been said that first love never dies. But I beg to differ. I beg to disagree. It was such a long time since my feelings has died down.
Now is the second time I have been in love. As I write this entry, I feel giddy like a high school girl sees her crush walk by and smile to my direction.
It is not difficult to fall in love with him, he would always be there when I need him whether its too late for me to take the cab home or that I need some ibuprofen to cure my dysmenorrhea. Aside from that, we have been good friends for the last seven years.
All the while, I thought I would not meet a man who personifies the man of my dreams. I thought that Christian Grey only lives in books. But I was wrong. I now have my own version of the palm-twitchingly handsome CEO.
From the moment I felt something for him; I know I am certain about the feeling. However I was so afraid to let him know since I fear rejection. I was willing to keep the feeling to my self and look at him from a far in love with somebody else. But then, I learned that the feeling is mutual.
It was pure bliss we shared. The many memories are indescribable. It was like being in love at thirteen and not mind about anything in the world. Just being in love. Purely in love with the person you least expect to fall in love with.
Like what I learned from Tita Becky (my good friend Ryan’s godmother), venturing in love is like jumping off a cliff. You do not know what will happen but still it’s a risk you take. That’s what I learned through the course of time. Of course there are days when we encounter trials, hardships, and lover’s quarrel to say the least.
In spite of the fact that we know each other so well before being in a relationship, we still share the ups and downs of being committed to another person. We still have differences to understand and embrace. But all these instances, I believe will and have helped us become better and value our relationship even more.
Just recently, we had a rough patch. It was so rough that we did not talk for quite a number of days, I would cry my self to sleep, and he would hate his self every time he hear me cry. The emotions were overwhelming he even suggested we “find our selves separately” up to the extent we break up momentarily and talk once we have decided what we think is best for us. So I obliged.
But then, even before hopping in to the plane for Tagbilaran, I already have my answer. And it is already final, irrevocable, and executory.
Choosing to be in a relationship with him is a decision I had to think about for quite a time. It definitely did not happen over night. I knew its true love when I would always look after what he wants and what makes him happy rather than keep the happiness all to my self and turn sour when things did not fall my way.
It was love, the real one, since day 1. It was him who made me cry buckets but the tears meant something else for him. Whenever he sees me cry, he would always think that he’s not the one I deserve. But who is he to say that? I am the only person who can say who I deserve the most, that to that I know it is him.
I have jumped off the cliff. I thought of my self as someone who would always avert from risks, but this time it’s different. I have submitted my entire self to a high-risk situation. But then I have no regrets. I am willing to go through a lot to keep this relationship better and make each of us the best person for each other.